Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Angst in the New Year

I have been nothing but irate, inside and out, this new year! It hasn't even been a week and I just feel that blowing the whole malt shop would be a grand idea! Forget new years resolutions, I am ready to run to the border and flee anything that looks remotely like real life and adult responsibility. It is sad when the grass looks greener even in Tijuana!

I have been reading my journal entries of past New Year's days and the prayers that I have penned for the up and coming years. My readings have only exasperated my crummy mood as I found nothing positive to write in regard to twenty-ten. I suppose my reflections on the previous prayers and the lack of any movement toward an answer has me desperately down and living in the depth of a glass I am choosing to view as half empty. Now there is an attitude of hope for the New Year!

In my head, I know that this is an incredibly non-Christian way of looking at life and that I can and should count my many blessings. Looking to the Cross of Christ, eternity....etc., etc., etc., should put things in a better perspective, an other worldly perspective, yet I erroneously want to wallow in my mire of angst and lick my wounds loudly so all will know that I am frustrated.

This is my New Year journal entry....inspiring I am sure, for those who would like to find a way to tear down Christianity as myth and hopeless. I am not hopeless, for my hope is not in the realities of this world, but this world is draining me to the dregs and I just want out. My hope is in the fact that this world is not all that there is and that someday, I will be in eternity with the Perfection, looking Hope straight in the face and basking in His perfect love forever.

Here's to another year.....come Lord Jesus come.