I have been nothing but irate, inside and out, this new year! It hasn't even been a week and I just feel that blowing the whole malt shop would be a grand idea! Forget new years resolutions, I am ready to run to the border and flee anything that looks remotely like real life and adult responsibility. It is sad when the grass looks greener even in Tijuana!
I have been reading my journal entries of past New Year's days and the prayers that I have penned for the up and coming years. My readings have only exasperated my crummy mood as I found nothing positive to write in regard to twenty-ten. I suppose my reflections on the previous prayers and the lack of any movement toward an answer has me desperately down and living in the depth of a glass I am choosing to view as half empty. Now there is an attitude of hope for the New Year!
In my head, I know that this is an incredibly non-Christian way of looking at life and that I can and should count my many blessings. Looking to the Cross of Christ, eternity....etc., etc., etc., should put things in a better perspective, an other worldly perspective, yet I erroneously want to wallow in my mire of angst and lick my wounds loudly so all will know that I am frustrated.
This is my New Year journal entry....inspiring I am sure, for those who would like to find a way to tear down Christianity as myth and hopeless. I am not hopeless, for my hope is not in the realities of this world, but this world is draining me to the dregs and I just want out. My hope is in the fact that this world is not all that there is and that someday, I will be in eternity with the Perfection, looking Hope straight in the face and basking in His perfect love forever.
The season of my life is in perpetual "back to school" mode and I would have to say that I am a lifelong learner as I teach my children at home. (They may become smarter than me.) My husband and I have decided to remain married for at least 98 years or until death do us part...I think there is a warrenty involved?!!!? I love music with every extra ounce of my body, if there are any ounces left at the end of the day I enjoy unwinding with my guitar. And most of all, should the Lord tarry, and if I live to see my 98th wedding anniversary, I choose to love and serve and honor Jesus Christ here on earth while I have breath in this body.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord.